Job and Fear

FEAR. I deal with a large amount of fear. I am afraid of the things that can come into my life, that can sidetrack me, that can derail the current flow of my life. Job is my least favorite book of the Bible. I have surprised teachers of the Word with just how strongly I dislike that book. It seems blasphemous to them I think, that I would not have joy in every word given to us through God's Holy Book.

But I don't like it.

I tend to put myself in a story or a book that I read. I read wondering what I would do if I were in the same situation as the characters. I tend to read things DEEPLY. Because of this, Job scares the willies out of me.

Here is a righteous man, and Satan asks to "TRY" him. To bring trials into his life to see if he will honor or curse God. And God, who is faithful, knows that Job will be faithful to Him (Satan is not all knowing but he derives pleasure from afflicting God's man). And the trials begin. His health, his livelihood, and my greatest fear, his family. He loses all of these things. See, I am just paralyzed at this point in the story. The LOSS. I understand that Satan wants to take all of these things from me and at any point God could allow it. See, it happened right here in Job.

When I presented my fear to the teachers of the Word, they pointed out that God restored all that was taken from Job, and then some. God gave back, and prospered him. But my response was, "Yes, but He didn't give those same children back. He received New children." See, if I lost my three, I would grieve forever. I cry right now while I write this just thinking about that. Job had health restored, had his livelihood restored, and had children restored to him. But my heart still grieves for the ones that he lost.

So what do I do with this? I have prayed repeatedly about it and God comforts me each time that fear rises in my heart. Fear that Satan wants me to have. And I have had to remind myself over and over that my kids are not MINE, they are the Lord's. I have to entrust them to Him because He is really the only one who can truly protect them.

I read Job and wonder why it had to be so. Maybe I am the reason it had to be that way for him. Maybe the lesson written there was for me. Maybe Job endured those trials so that I could read about his trust and apply it to my own life.

Father God,

I believe, Help thou my unbelief. I Trust, help thou my mistrust. I love You Lord and I trust you to work your perfect will in my life. I am sorry for my fleshly reaction to the story of Job, the suffering servant. God, the suffering that your Son endured on my behalf should be enough to ensure that I NEVER question Your Word. But I am fleshly. Forgive me Lord, and help me to fully rely on You. But I beg You, not to teach me the lesson of relying on You through the pain of my children. Allow them to be healthy and safe. Help them to be a witness for You in this world. Father, I ask You to be patient with this Mother's heart, and I thank You for the love that I have for my children, for I know that it is of You.

In Jesus Holy and Precious Name I pray.

Amen